No place like home

As I've been feeling a bit home-less recently (yes, I do have a roof over my head and a floor under my feet, it's more of a state of an anxious mind than reality) here's my current checklist for making a place I stay in a home.

Home is where the cat bed is.

The one that cats actually sleep in, because you put it in the Right Place. There is only one Right Place for every cat bed in the house and there are very specific rules as to where the Right Place is, if you get it wrong, no one will sleep in the bed, because it is in the Wrong Place. 

Home is where the Amazon Logistics delivery drivers can find you.

There really should be an app to check which addresses come up on GPS doodahs of Amazon Logistics delivery people and which don't. I lived in a White Zone before. It is like living on a delivery desert.

Home is where the heating works.

I can not stress this enough, in a country of draughty windows, fake double glazing, mould exploding through the walls, unsealed front doors and mysterious holes in random walls, central heating that works is non negotiable.

Home is where the wifi connects automatically.

So that you walk in, take your phone out and go ahhh, I am already online, connected, followed, messaged and liked. So that your digital stalkers and friends are never far away.

Home is where the heart is.

You know, the one in a box. The one you think about when you tell your friends not to mess with you and they laugh and say oh you are so funny, that one. 

Home is...

More ideas?

Another year, another try

Hello, 2019.

This year I resolve that I will imagine I walk up to the image of the person my brain shows me I could be and look at this potentially fulfilled potential of mine, shake my head and say 'not happening'.

I will still drink and stay up till stupid hours of the morning with people who make me feel alive. 

I will still take every 'you cunt' as a compliment. 

I will still have multiple 'to-do' lists longer than 'done' lists and my only daily affirmation will be 'well done, you have made it through the day'. 

I will still aim to confuse and amuse and frustrate those brave enough to get close to me.

I will still have days when I just want to curl up with a pile of books and evenings when anxiety wins and nights when I wander by myself down quiet streets of Edinburgh.

I will still forget to reply to your messages, be honest until your feelings bleed and suddenly pop up online to continue that conversation we paused three months earlier.

I will still do what I want and wander away from expectations.

This year I resolve to not bother, once again, with those expected New Year's resolutions that no one keeps. Who's with me?

Hello, 2019.