All animals are persons, not all persons are animals.

A short quiz tonight fellow bloggers, how much of a monkey are you?

- Do you feel like throwing verbal shite on people you can't stand?

- Do you get an irresistible urge to go and meet up with your pack to sit in a circle and consume fermented fruit?

- Do you like to play with other people's hair?

- Do you stand taller and stare when threatened?

- Can you pick up items with your toes?

- Do you sometimes feel like you should have a tail?

And are you lucky enough to have some cat genes as well?

- Can you ignore people so well, they forget about you and leave you alone?

- Did you put 'sleeping' as one of your activities on Facebook?

- Can you go for a cat nap anywhere, anytime?

- Can you, during a said cat nap, answer questions or even hold a conversation?

- Do you play with dangly objects you encounter?

- Do you view other people mostly as a source of food and entertainment?

The more 'yes' answers you got fellow blogger, the closer you are to a perfect balance. Congratulations. Now go away, I need a nap before an outing to consume fermented fruit...

The benefit of hard work.

I see red when I read yet another moan about how unfair it is to reassess benefit claimants, and how dares the government touch the benefits, and what about the children??

--- Let me tell you 'bout hard work---

Well, here's the thing - even the nanny state government is unfortunately not made of money from outer space. It is made of taxpayers money and that means not your money, o benefit claimant and not your money exempt-from-tax-working-under-12-hours-a-week-to-keep-child-tax-credit parent and not your money o thirty year old living off parents loser who worked for a year in his/her/it life. It means my money, the money I put aside and throw at the above mentioned twice a year, knowing fully well that for that effort I will not get a thank you or a free dental care or a decent pension but a monotonous bunch of comments about immigrants stealing Scottish jobs.

--- You don't know nothing about hard work, hard work, hard work ---

The economy in this country collapsed a long time ago. You can't dish out money to individuals who never contributed and don't intend to contribute to the cash pool and expect it all to work. Bloody hell, even during the failed Soviet experiment of introducing equality for all under a red banner, everyone was getting (supposedly) equal amounts of goods, but everyone was also working equally hard! There was no unemployment during the communist times, because the government would find everyone a job. And now, for the first time in human history, who doesn't want to work has it easy... And I'm not ranting blind at you, who try and do something and try again and don't give up and work to make your lives what you want them to be and just claim what you need to survive in the meantime. This is about the lazy and the cunning and the pests.

--- How do you sleep at night? How do you walk with your head held high? ---

So, unless you're a true rasta, stop. Stop expecting that the government will always provide. Stop expecting me to give you what I worked to get. Stop pretending you have a right to receive all this. And if you are a rasta - "Jah will provide..", right?

Looting is the new eBay, man...

With all the analyses flying around trying to discern the cause of the riots I propose this addition to the flock: boredom. Tv coverage and photos show that most of the looters and window smashers were young. Out of 11 to 16 year olds who don't have much idea on what to do with themselves at the end of school holidays - who can resist a perspective of getting free stuff that's hard to buy from you're pocket money or benefits? Who could possibly resist adrenaline surge of running away from the police after smashing their cars with bricks? Who could say 'no' to their colleagues from some fancy named local gang without being called, oh my, 'a woos'?

In the words of one 15 year old female rioter asked why the riots started: "It's the government or something, right? Doing stuff. And the rich people too. But it was fun!"

Yes, most of these people will go back to school soon. Yes, most of them are too young to go to prison for looting, vandalism, arson, maiming, killing, terrorising and general mindless destruction. Yes, I would very much like for the parents to be able to discipline their kids if necessary without feearing that their 11 year old will take them to court. How long before the next school break and rising boredom and tension? Looks like 'Christmas shopping' and 'crowds in stores' might take a different meaning this year...