Post birthday musings

Another birthday, another realisation that as my age goes up, my levels of tolerance for certain things goes down. Most recently I realised that have no patience for:

- People posting vague status updates on  social media, just to get attention and worried comments. Get a dog. Dogs will give you attention  whatever you say to them. Or even borrow someone else's dog, cause you probably can't take care of one being that needy.

-  People who blame all their woes on mythical Rich, but slobber all over the privileged half brains on so called 'scripted reality shows' with easy to remember titles such as TOWIE or MIC. They ARE these Rich that you hate in general, you moron...

- People having opinions on books/movies/music they haven't read/seen/heard. Just... no.

- People assuming that because I'm over 30 and childless I love babies because of some sort of 'auntie syndrome'. I have no specific feeling towards babies. But I do prefer when they stay near their biological templates. I might growl if they get too close.

- Fat people trying to put their giant wobbly asses next to me on public transport, when there's other seats free. Can. You. Not. See. My. Hackles. Rising? I don't want to have intimate hip area discourse with your fat for the rest of my journey. Yuck!!

- People who think that as soon as sun is out it is ok to behave like deaf twats and put that radio/car radio/tinny sounding phone speaker on as loud as it gets. Living next to a road it's like being submerged into a constant stream of aural aftershock. Where's that rain we supposedly have too much of in Scotland?

- Charity muggers. Really, there is no need to smile all over me and jump in my path to attempt yet again to convince me with annoyingly soothing voice to part with my hard earned money to support a good cause. I'm going to start to carry cards with me that will say 'I already support x and x and x charity and I'm not interested in giving you a chance to earn commission on my good karma gesture.'

I'm looking forward to see in which directions this list will go next year.

Occupational risks of being a public service interpreter

Yes, being a public service interpreter is a varied, interesting job, but it can be challenging when you are:

- standing in the cess pool of a court corridor for hours with all the pond life brushing past

- watching a placenta being tugged out by the cord

- being asked out by desperate males, usually alkies after two failed marriages

- dodging spurting blood, puss and flying bits of teeth at dental appointments

- being asked out by males who not only see souls but devour them or think that god is giving them a free hand to change the world

- having your hand squeezed into pulp by a patient having a biopsy

- being dragged to the police station in the middle of the night to listen to someone claim their name is Lech Walesa for three hours


But hey, if you still would like a go at my job, just learn a popular community language and go for it!

The state will take care of you, comrade!

This week UK Government announced that it will introduce new criminal penalties for tax evasion, so that these horrible rich people can't avoid paying what they should.

It's great to live in a state that is so protective of its ordinary citizens, isn't it?

The government will help you financially when you're struggling, provide more affordable childcare for working parents, ensure roof over your head when you're homeless.

The government will patiently explain that cigarettes and alcohol are bad for you, you silly, and that you should eat five to seven portions of fruit and veg a day, three portions of fish a week and have a meat free day, for your own good of course and the environment, avoid fat, sugar and take-aways, but really don't worry too much because public healthcare is free too!

Well actually, why not put minimum pricing on alcohol, so that you can't afford this nasty poison? And let cigarette prices soar, it surely will convince them stupid smokers to quit. And let's get the ever widening smoking ban rolling, which is now going to ban people from smoking in their own cars if they have kids and even in their own homes, but, hey it's all for the kids welfare!

So is the intrusive social work system based on the assumption that kids don't tell lies about their parents. But it's for everybody's good, bad people have to be caught and punished! In fact, why don't we cut legal aid so that these nasty criminals can't afford lawyers to talk them out of a just punishment? And let's make civil legal aid almost inaccessible, so free legal representation during divorce proceedings is so hard to obtain people will be forced to stay together. And signing benefits over to a single parent takes months and months anyway, so it's better to stay together, parents, all for everyone's greater good!

An speaking about crime, why not put these nice cctv cameras not only in public places but also on staircases and on moving vans that can zoom right through people's windows. Well, you don't want anybody to misbehave, right? And crime levels will surely go down if we put more police officers in the community, possibly allow them to use a bit more force in confrontations, just like a trained dog or five. No, stupid, they don't bite unless you've done something.

And the issue of papers! Newspapers and magazines, they shouldn't be allowed to just print whatever they want, surely? They have to be kept on a leash by this government agency because if you let them freedom they go and hack people's phones! Like, yes, they will hack your phone and make your mundane life into a story, oh horror! And internet, should we not restrict good British citizens access to some nasty,dirty websites like pornography ones and independent news? All for everyone's greater good, comrade!

...

Considering that all the above paragraphs contain plans that already have been or will be or could be introduced  in UK, at which point should we realise that we're living in a police state?

Now...?

Kids in UK: in classroom for 190 days a year, running riot for 175 days a year.

So, finally, the schools went back this week after two long weeks of tripping over kids in shops, practising dodge to avoid the small snotty ones accidentally wiping their leaky noses on your crotch level on the streets and warily watching the hooded ten year old vandals hooting at each other across the street. But no worries, it's not long until next school break, bank holiday, random Monday off, half day on Friday or another religious holiday in a secular country.

I'm genuinely curious, who decided that kids need that much time off? What for? What is it that they do when they are not in school that's so important that it has to be repeated time and time again with barely any week in the school year when they actually spend their time learning Monday to Friday?

These days it is illegal for kids to work and they often don't have money to play. So they get bored. So they get destructive and dangerous or at least annoying.

What do they learn about realities of adult life from that? 

It's hard enough to sign your first contract and realise that you now have a right to 7-14 days off a year on top of weekends/two days off a week and an odd public holiday. How much of a slap from reality it is, if you're used to weeks and weeks of time for yourself, I can only imagine.

Incidentally, how much longer is it going to take us all to dig our way out of economic recession when a third of the workforce is tied into unemployment or working short hours by the holy 3pm school run? Why don't parents stand up to schools and demand that school hours be extended to allow them to work a normal working day? 

I personally know people who would gladly go back into full time employment, but they can't because they have to be home by half 2 and race to the school gates.

Of course we all need time off to rest and pursue interests and catch up with people. But in UK AD 2014 we live in some bizzare world of public education, where there's more easily accessible knowledge than ever before, but kids' curiosity and work ethics and learning abilities get blunted by forced 'free time' lasting days and days on end. Not so much in private schools, but if you pay, you can demand, as usual. Not fair on smart kids from normal families. Not fair on childless people having to deal with kids who have no money for fun other than attempting to burn a motorcycle with fag ends put in the fuel tank (I've seen it from the window last week).

Oh well, nothing new about that.

("Children happily run out of the school
Lit their cigarettes, took out their booze
Spat all over the pavement, chased everyone away,
They are sitting on their benches
Hollering at each other.")

Books of 2013

A subjective selection of un-put-down-ables out of 90 books I read last year.

Tim Lebbon - Echo City
Tim Lebbon - The Heretic Land
Tim Lebbon - Fallen
First, a new author (for me) who clearly enjoys creating new, truly fantastic, worlds. God rising from the depths under the city. A city surrounded by poisonous wasteland, from which a pilgrim comes. A cliff marking the boundary of the known world, on top of which it is rumoured something awaits awakening. Enough said.

Sophie Hannah - The Point of Rescue
I read everything this author wrote, great style, fascinating British thrillers.

Philip K. Dick - Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said
Philip K. Dick - Cantata 140
Science fiction classic. If you don't know who this author is, shame on you. (Blade Runner...?)

Lisa Tuttle - The Silver Bough
Another new author for me, set in a Scottish village cut away from the world by a sudden landslide, when a different world starts seeping in. Enchanting.

K.J. Parker - Sharps
K.J. Parker - The Company
Brutal, dark, realistic fantasy in a world that does not suffer fools or forgive mistakes. Like a female George R. R. Martin who prefers 300 pages long stories.

China Mieville - Railsea
Another fascinating story from the master of new weird, set in a world where people live in towns separated by seas of rail tracks over a dangerous ground.

Tad Williams - The Dirty Streets of Heaven
Urban fantasy noir - think Marlowe-like angel grudgingly doing his job as an advocate for fresh souls in a struggle between Heaven and Hell, until something goes bloodily wrong. I want more.

Greg Bear - Eon
Greg Bear - Eternity
Heady hard sf/ space opera mixture, a mysterious object appears in Earth's orbit, which starts a race to get to it and discover its secrets. Better dust off your string theory knowledge.

Lauren Beukes - Zoo city
Lauren Beukes - Moxyland
Another author I've never heard about and she's got some interesting ideas for stories set in near future - think genetic manipulation, global crisis and a novel way of dealing with criminals.

Tad Williams - Shadowmarch / Shadowplay / Shadowrise / Shadowheart
Master of high fantasy invites us on a long journey across a strange land. Epic.

Ian Rankin - Saints of the Shadow Bible
Good old style thriller set in the gloomy Scottish capital. Even better if you live in the same city it takes place in and recognise streets and pubs.

David Barnett - Gideon Smith and the Mechanical Girl
Steampunk is not dead! Mechanical creations, steam trains and zeppelins zipping across British countryside ruled by formidable Queen Victoria who just crushed the puny American colonies rebellion...

David S. Goyer, Michale Cassutt - Heaven's Shadow / Heaven's War / Heaven's Fall
An alien space ship appears in Earth's orbit (yes, another hard sf space opera), which starts a race... etc. look above, however this one is of a wider scope as the story races through time and space and encounters with  stunning variety of aliens. 

Cory Doctorow, Charles Stross - The Rapture of the Nerds
Near future sf, a world where nanos can change your sex overnight, the more evolved humans live in a cloud of data around Earth and send blasts of random messages to their fleshy ancestors and America turned into a hypercolony of ants. A dizzying ride.

Fritz Leiber - The Black Gondolier and Other Stories
Another classic, this author is mostly known for his fantasy books about Fafhrd and Grey Mouser but he proves to be a brilliant short story teller as well. And they are not all fantasy stories either.

Get reading then, people!

Reasonable resolutions for 2014

Speak your mind.

 If you have a strong opinion about something - say it. Post it. Text it. Shout it. Write it on a sign, start a petition about it, argue on a bus, lose some fake friends on facebook over it, put it in a local paper. People respect those who don't bend to popular opinions. They might not like you, they might get offended or offensive but really - they wish they could do the same. This year, speak up when you feel strongly about something. 

Well, unless you're into murdering people or dislike babies, than maybe keep it to yourself...

Know what you can't do.

Whether it's care work or call centre work or dealing with smelly winter time bus population every day for three months, make and keep in your head a list of things that you just could not force yourself to do or that would make you very unhappy if you had to do them. It's very useful for work related choices - steers you clear from jobs in which you would last a month before trying to jump out of the window, screaming in gibberish.

If the list of what you can't and won't do is much, much longer than what you can and want to do in your life, you're either a very specialised genius or have severe mental health issues - seek help. 

Planning stuff is good, doing stuff is better.

We all have these bits of paper with the whole rest of our lives or at least next year planned out. Dusty, torn and forgotten within a few weeks. Useless. Will you pass the next work related opportunity because it came two months before you were expecting it? Will you say no just because you were not expecting to hear the question? Will you stick to the sacred Plan and watch your life pass you by? This year, grab the opportunities, say yes, welcome the unexpected. It is so much better.

Just don't crawl back to me after you jumped off the Forth Road bridge in a heat of the moment, that wasn't embracing the do without much thinking mentality, that was just stupid.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Others will do it for you, they will say what you can't do and how you won't succeed and what will go wrong if you make the choices you want to make. Let them speak and then go home,  close the door and tell yourself that where you are is where you want to be and that who you are is - awesome.

If others follow you home, beat them with a stick.

Smile.

Or not.

Happy, fulfilling, productive, lazy, intriguing New Year to all of you who read all the way to the end!

To the ones who just skipped to the last sentence - at least do me a decency of reading the post backwards in segments, aloud, in Yoda's voice. Thank you.