It's difficult to leave the house these days without somebody trying to sell you something or give you something that will eventually cost you rather more than you expected or guilt trip you into parting with your hard earned cash. These ruthless commission driven people have a whole range of tricks up their sweaty sleeves, it's time to fight back. Here's some tried and tested methods that will help you get back home with your wallet and pride intact.
To whining junkies you don't say anything, they don't sound like they're speaking English anyway so they shouldn't expect a response.
To payment protection insurance back claimers you say "I read before I sign".
To charity muggers you say "I pick my charities online and pay them by Direct Debit".
To Sky sellers you say "I already have Sky".
To very persistent charity muggers you shout "I hate children/animals/homeless people!".
To AA breakdown cover teams you say "I don't have a car".
If that charity mugger is still following you, you can start running down the street screaming "Stay away from me!"
To survey people you say anything in gibberish language looking surprised, don't try to speak these three Polish phrases you know, half of them will BE Polish.
If that charity mugger is still after you, call the police.
To any religion selling individuals you say "I believe in Cthulhu".
Enjoy!
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