The rise of homo benefitus

According to Metro, the city of Glasgow not only has the lowest average life expectation in Europe, highest rates for obesity, high blood pressure and death by knife, it's also officially a city with really high poverty. News?

There's a new breed of humans developing in Glasgow and spreading throughout Scotland - homo benefitus. 

It's the people who never experienced getting up in the mornings to go to work and working eight or more hours a day. Still, they believe going to court for 10am at least once a month and to the Jobcentre every two weeks is normal. So is walking to the corner shop in your pyjamas in the afternoon and being bored 'oot ur skull' for most of the time.

They have no concept of normal human interactions. They glare instead of looking, demand instead of asking and shout instead of talking. They fuck everybody that's got a different set of genitals and drop sprogs until their sprogs start having kids themselves at the ripe age of fourteen, when they become grannies. Marriage is virtually unknown. Religion is a baffling concept. Paying taxes is a mysterious activity that 'rich cunts' do.

Cheap alcohol, narcotics and multicultural 'chippies and chinkies' are staples of homo benefitus diet. That's why the ones in their twenties look puffy and in their thirties - like they are almost fifty. In males lined, gaunt faces with sunken beady eyes and grey skin of vitamin deficient are prominent. Aggression and violence is also common because of the constant substance hunger, the packs of hooded youngsters on little bikes prowl the boundaries of the estates looking for sustenance for themselves and their relatives. 

In homo benefitus society simple biological facts, history of one's own country and basic geography away from streets and parks of birth are unknown. Even their grasp of language is not quite there, but as long as their own tribes understand the honking slang of the junkies, slurring of toothless alkies and angry sharp calls of bored council estaters it's all that matters. The landscape of half rotten sofas chewed on by staffies and kids surrounded by ugly buildings with boarded windows smelling strongly of urine and neglect is a familiar one that comforts your average homo benefitus on return home from the necessary trip 'ootside'.

So, all these problems listed above are news, really? And if you think I'm exaggerating here, take a walk across one of Glasgow's council estates. Just don't go alone...