Rage against the machines (personalised)

Although some scientists are still sceptical about it, I do believe in existence of electromagnetic fields that surround technological equipment and affect humans. I also started to believe in a biological equivalent of such, that affects technology. It definitely surrounds me.

Just yesterday I had an argument with a hospital elevator. For a good five minutes (and five minutes is a long time when you're stuck in a 4m by 4m by 6m box, that's clearly considering dropping you to the ground from 6th floor) I would press 'G' button and the elevator would happily go up and announce '6th floor, ward 13', no, 'G', '5th floor, ward 12' nooo, 'G'! '5th floor...' It only got bored after some other people got in but I'm not going back to that hospital unless I have to.

Automatic checkouts. A few times after feeding them with two handfuls of penny change (as it is a fun thing to do when there's a line of people waiting behind you hehe) I got a full handful of the same coins back as my change... and the amount of times they sulk and require assistance for no reason is unreal. I even got asked for ID to buy glue! Not Superglue, that you apparently need ID to buy these days, just normal paper-gluing glue. Spiteful little things.

Computers, mobiles, printers develop a nasty personality after being around me for too long and throw tantrums over nothing. Especially computers. They crash, blue screen and stroll slowly through brain check routine on startup them even though you switched everything off properly and refuse to perform certain operations for no reason. Yes, a real life computer says no. Awesome.

My mobile only allows me to open certain websites and even that after extensive negotiations. When it gets cranky it will 'forget' to let me know about new emails and eat through the battery like a starving hamster even though it's not doing much apart from lying in my pocket and, hopefully, monitoring emails. Voicemail just switches itself off the moment I'm finished with its setup. I'm clearly not allowed too much human interaction at all.

Oh ay, a lightbulb exploded a couple of times after I walked into a room and switched the light on. Literally, in shards.

So, should I go on a plane next week or maybe getting a horse drawn carriage would be a better idea?

Fear the nobodies, wanna be somebodies.

It's becoming a strange experience to turn on telly on Sunday afternoon and realise, that half of the programmes are fly-on-the-bedroom-wall documentaries about people. Not conventionally famous people, people who have done something out of ordinary, inspiring people. Just...

--- we are the nobodies ---

Oh, right, celebrities. Seems like an awful waste of language to create a word especially for people, whose only contribution to society is supporting economy by buying lots of stuff to be shown wearing on a telly. And in magazines. Seriously, when I pick up a gossip magazine, I have no idea who most of these people are. So, you have appeared in episode 3425 of some soap or other, slept with used to be famous footballer three years ago, released a single that never made it into top 20? Why, oh why should I care about you more than about my landlord, kid in a supermarket who picked up my Nectar card I almost lost or a call centre woman who efficiently dealt with my complaint? At least these three random people have some influence on my life. They...

---wanna be Somebodies---

Or the newspapers. Some celebrity woman miscarried last week. Probably, a thousand woman miscarried in the UK on the same day. Maybe a million or more around the globe. Sympathy, nevertheless, do explain, o newspaper editor, how is this story front page news...? Oh, and then there's the spouses, celebrities-by-attachment, how sad is it to be known and recognised by other sad people on a street or in cyberspace, just because your wife/husband/partner of undetermined sex is known for being known? The worst case of passive, not even life, existence...

---we're dead, we know just who we are---

Happy thought to end with. To a celebrity - so, if you are known for being known and you exist for being recognised and I don't recognise you, does it mean you do not exist after all? I hope I made someone cry.

We are all discriminated in the bonny land of equality

In the name of all hard working, tax paying, healthy, childless, young people, who feel discriminated on every day basis, I propose:

- fresh air breaks at work in a special designated area

- special seats on the bus for young and not disabled people with no prams

- introduction of tax directing - if you worked and paid taxes for three years straight you can choose what your taxes go towards and if it's not benefit scrounging eight kids running riot so called families, oh well...

- designated no kids flights to destinations overseas

- a right to punch anyone who starts a sentence with "These bloody immigrants, stealing our jobs..." in the jaw

Any more ideas, o fellow sufferers of so called equality?